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I’ve been super slammed lately with projects. They all feel exciting and equally important. They have me working at least 12 hour days, from 10-10 usually. It feels alive. It feels overwhelming. It feels like I’m freaking out!
Today I realized that I have been pretending that I’m balanced! I naturally have a very calm and collected front (I’ve been told) and try to hold all of it together and minimize what’s happening in my life. I recognized today that I don’t have to do this. I can let on that I’m freaking out! I can honor this state of being! It’s the most authentic thing to do.
It’s like when I used to waitress I would never delegate my tasks of running for the ketchup, check or drinks to anyone else and continue to take tables and then low and behold I’d be in the weeds! I feel like I’m in the weeds right now. Working in the studio late on a Friday night.
I have this fantasy that this weekend I can bake all my friends meyer lemon pies… the one with a new baby, my pregnant friend, my inlaws, my friend who’s turning 40… the list goes on. And of course the fantasy continues to spending quality time with all of them. I have this fantasy that I can be the good friend who listens to all my friends woes and never burden them with mine too. Isn’t that silly? What kind of boring friend would that be?
I guess it comes down to valuing myself and my work. I find myself deferring to others when they talk about their big life issues– babies, relationships, careers… even other artists work “Oh yeah, your show is a really big deal! It’s so exciting!! Mine is just a little one. Oh you don’t have to come”. Enough. Enough of this self-deprecation and humility! I think it’s time for me to own up and honor my own enoughness and freakout like the awesome freak that I am! I hope you give yourself permission to do the same!
Happy Freaky Friday the 13th xxxx
Mati