hello there,
as always thank you for all your comments… i should do yoga more often! i meant to today, but instead ate some pie and went to the fabric store. (40% off! mission & 17th people )
this thought of “DON”T HOLD BACK” came to me over and over again today in my journaling about art making. writing helps so.
what am i holding back?
enjoying the process. making art from a place of uninhibitied seeking. i want to experience my life’s work fully, head on, not bashfully and from a place of cautiousness. so many analogies to life, no?
or maybe i AM uninhibited in my seeking and i’m finding it is not all clear cut… it is confusing when i am honest. complex.
i am feeling myself become a “tortured” artist. pre-occupied with it all. will this get easier? patience with this process.
i am uncomfortable with where my art future lays. i don’t have an image yet of how it looks. on a daily basis. there are no standard steps. no tests of proficiency. and would i really want those if there were?
yesterday i had lunch with the ever so real and beautiful lisa s ( i loved watching her briefly interact with her students… lucky them!) and had so many un-articulated serious questions about art. it felt so annoying! to be such a beginner and to be impatient with this process, but wanting the room to explore from a beginners perspective. also feeling the weight of being already 30 and wanting my life more figured out more! to not even know many questions and knowing that i have to ultimately find the answers on my own that will be true for myself. and that this is the joy. the art of life. the life of art.
it is a brave and solitary path when i look at the way of being as an artist as a life long pursuit. so many avenues and i want to look closely at that and not step away from it from fear, but also not ignore the trepidation if it is my inner voice saying that it’s not the right fit. y’know?
**OK, enough already! i’m being so dramatic!**
i took some pictures over the last 2 days of scenes i love and make me feel fearless and deeply happy! 
a perfect mojito at le colonial (check out the pics of the interior… i dream of an art studio like this with oriental rugs and bird cages and old photos!). open air patio with large fans overhead and wicker chaise lounges and 2 girl friends to talk about art with and project scheme.
coming home to a home-made berry pie by my fiance. how perfect. i am so happy to have found this pie making man.
a dinner-time picnic high up on corona heights of take-out thai food and a circular view of sf. sun shining a golden hue. my lover boy with his kind eye wrinkles and scruff.
sadly, no picks of lunch with lisa donning her beautiful new necklace from my cecilia, nor my decadant day of solitary gallery viewing– went to the luggage store for the first time and saw yoon lee’s work. and bought some “teatime” bright pink lipstick (a bit garish), a flowered borrowed from the 30’s pattern dress from one of my favorite bargain stores and even a red & pink bag at a little world crafts store in the gritty tenderloin that feels like such a score!
pps- thank you lisa for helping me lock up my bike and being a creative problem solver;)
xoxoxo